In her attempt to stop the asteroid from striking the earth, CandyApple Candice created a one-mile thick layer of hardened corn syrup, red dye #pi and sugar around the entire planet.
The asteroid was deflected (only to strike Centauri Four, eight thousand years later, but that's another sordid tale all in its own cozy rubber blanket) and the Earth was saved.
But during the planetary "extraction" phase, when the planet's population was forced to, and I quote General Cancantcan of the United States Army's 7.637th Umbrella Sausage Honey Mustard Brigade, "Jaw bone it's way outta this sugar-sweetened sh*t storm." poor Candice was attacked by space vampires hidden in the less-know atmospheric layer known as the Undeadosphere-o-matic.
She never ate a candy apple again. Unless you count the one she found on her Caramel Cluster Big Bangin' Gangsta Expedition to Seti Seven when the Intergalactic Volunteer Comitee on Mushroom Cultivation and Burning Ember Cooling Process Evaluation and Miscellany Measurement (or, the IVCOMCABECPEM) honored her with a Bodacious Booty award. She was never happier.
Creature with a need
ReplyDeletePlucking precious pearls nightly
Tooth Fairy victim
In her attempt to stop the asteroid from striking the earth, CandyApple Candice created a one-mile thick layer of hardened corn syrup, red dye #pi and sugar around the entire planet.
ReplyDeleteThe asteroid was deflected (only to strike Centauri Four, eight thousand years later, but that's another sordid tale all in its own cozy rubber blanket) and the Earth was saved.
But during the planetary "extraction" phase, when the planet's population was forced to, and I quote General Cancantcan of the United States Army's 7.637th Umbrella Sausage Honey Mustard Brigade, "Jaw bone it's way outta this sugar-sweetened sh*t storm." poor Candice was attacked by space vampires hidden in the less-know atmospheric layer known as the Undeadosphere-o-matic.
She never ate a candy apple again. Unless you count the one she found on her Caramel Cluster Big Bangin' Gangsta Expedition to Seti Seven when the Intergalactic Volunteer Comitee on Mushroom Cultivation and Burning Ember Cooling Process Evaluation and Miscellany Measurement (or, the IVCOMCABECPEM) honored her with a Bodacious Booty award. She was never happier.
Who cares? Read the article!
ReplyDeleteYikes.
ReplyDeleteMim - Hehehe...
ReplyDeleteCarl, that was bloody hilarious.
MaryAn - I agree. It was great, wasn't it? Wonderfully written.
Patrick - Yikes, indeed.