Today's Review

Let us now speak firmly about erections

The first time I laughed out loud reading this very charming piece of screenwriting was in an airport waiting for my flight while reading about Bob being in custody at his airport because of his prescription-less viagra bottle and the TSA Official who (in order to verify if these pills were, indeed, viagra) took Bob into a room, made him take a pill, popped in a porno, and told him, "Sir, at this time, I'm going to ask you to direct your attention to the TV monitor." I don't know why but that joke really hit me and made me laugh out loud. I got some looks. (I always get looks, but this time, it was more so than usual.)

Then I thought, "wait a minute," and that joke hasn't stopped bothering me ever since. I have a number of thoughts about this sequence, so just bear with me. First, I think the viagra could've been setup better. The idea really came prematurely (no pun intended). I may have missed something, but there didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason for his friends to give him viagra before his trip. You could set that up with an earlier scene where (perhaps with "Bob's Date"), we had the beginnings of passion but he couldn't perform simply because he wasn't attracted to her or he's turned off because it's obvious that she's attracted to his money. Or something. He tells the guys, and they "poke" fun at his inability to perform. Thus, we have the viagra bottle given to Bob as a gift at the airport. That makes more sense to me. On the other hand, it didn't make ANY sense that the TSA Official would make Bob watch a porno. A porno would naturally give a man an erection, would it not? So how would watching a porno prove that the pills in the bottle really were viagra? This scene would be WAY funnier if they just sat in this room and... did nothing. And these officials just stared at his crotch. And took notes. And there's all this tension in the room. Bob tries to cross his legs to get more comfortable and they yell, "Keep your legs spread!" Sweat forms on his forehead. He sees confiscated "Why We Fight" videotapes lying around and he asks to watch a porno. An officials shakes his head. He starts mumbling to himself names of porno stars to help things along. An official tells him that he can't visualize sex or women and then rambles on about dead dogs and gory murder scenes. Perhaps Bowie's "Under Pressure" is playing in the background. Suddenly, there's A SLIGHT movement in his nether regions and everybody JUMPS. A look of relief on Bob. And then, slowly but surely, an erection rises up in his pants, which clears him of everything, and he's allowed to leave. And then they think he's crazy because he actually got it up under those circumstances. Bob tries to retain his dignity and walks out.

I'm also a believer in the idea that it's better to incorporate motifs with props like the viagra bottle so that it feels essential to the story and not simply thrown in one scene just to get laughs. So that, say, for whatever crazy reason, one of Bob's friends agrees to sleep with a really scary girl in order to accomplish something important to the story, and thus, he actually NEEDS the viagra. Or perhaps Marty finds the bottle and that is why the RV was rockin'. And thus, the viagra saves their marriage (because those classes sucked the sex drive right out of him). And while I appreciated the fact that the Old Man sang about viagra, it might have been better if, say, Bob (or Marty) sees him and throws the bottle at him as a gift and the Old Man sings "Halleluiah." Or something like that.

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