Another Create A Character Weekend!
Okay, guys, 3 things:
- What's his name?
- What the hell is he doing?
- What are his character contradictions?
Friday, November 03, 2006
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Screenwriting news and in-depth analysis from a devoted, yet mysterious, student of the craft.
About Me
- Mystery Man
- I'm famous yet anonymous, failed yet accomplished, brilliant yet semi-brilliant. I'm a homebody who jetsets around the world. I'm brash and daring yet chilled with a twist. I also write for Script Magazine.
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16 comments:
Guida Mostaccioli was a poverty-stricken young woman trapped in a man's body. Unemployed, desperate and without health insurance, she was willing to give it one last shot. Maybe El Toro would be able to perform the surgery she, herself, could not afford or self-administer. Since she already had a respectable pair of breasts, once the penis and testicles were gone, and if she positioned herself just so, the vagina would be created by a strategically inserted horn, she might be able to convince the doctors that administration of female hormones rather than penile reattachment would be the best course of action.
Here, bully bully...
Interestingly, Ivan the Introverted Illusionist, indicated indecent, and illicit, inclusions were imminent in his impending act. Impossible!
Patrons packed the Palace, prepared for a proliferation of possibly profound prestidigitations proceeded by pleasant puzzlement.
After an almost apathetic opening act, an anxious audience abruptly acquiesced to awe as Ivan’s audacious avowal was achieved.
“Nuts!” Was one woman’s woeful wail.
Not normally a nudist, Ivan knew newfound notoriety and no one noticed his new nose job.
It looks like my husband just out of the shower, so I let him do the character study.
He said that those are much too nice of shoes for somebody like that and that he appears to be sword-fighting, but only brought a dagger.
My husband's name is Michael Paschal.
Miguel was amazed he hadn't sustained more physical damage when the bull broke into his studio. So far it had only managed to gore through his clothing, thankfully leaving his shoes but tragically ripping right through his underwear. Ironically, it was only going for the cape, which it managed to miss every time. That's probably a result of the lack of depth perception as a result of its lost eye. How did it lose the eye? Miguel didn't know; he just met the damn thing.
"Alright, you son of a bithc," Miguel hollered at the bull as it scraped its feet along the hardwood. "You can scratch up my floor and you can rip off my clothes, but I will kick your ass in the end. I'll always survive. I'm a stand-up comedian."
Miguel flashed his cape at the end of his taunt. It worked. But as the bull began its run at Miguel's exposed testicles, the man couldn't help but wish he had a sword or something.
Another hypnosis gone awry. In an attempt to save his plummeting career by turning the entire front row of the audience into barking chickens, The Great Ballsini accidentally turned a spell on himself.
Now living out a deep-seated dream of becoming El Grande Ballsinez, Matador Extraordinaire, Ballsini successfully defended himself against the bull charging his way.
He came out of the hypnosis to a thunderous applause from his audience.
"Did they see it, Lola?" he asked his octogenarian assistant. "Did they see the bull?"
"I suppose they did, sir!" Lola responded incredulously. "Maybe that also means they can finally see your pants!"
Aaaaaagggghhhh!
My eyes!
The great Shagnasty has poor eyesight and a lisp which may be why the German word "becken" sounded like "pecker" in the body altering spell meant to make his pelvis disappear -- magnifying glass anyone?
Holy sausages, Batman, are we in a pickle!
1. His name is Lionel.
2. He's auditioning for the lead in GYPSY.
3. He's heartbroken because he'd been promised Maria in SOUND OF MUSIC. He's played Gypsy so many times already, and is so weary of the gadflys who simply will hang about the stage door, plying him with wine and sweetmeats....
What's going to happen when this guy gets into the car with The Beez, Paco, and Facetia?
Will they ever make it to Las Vegas?
He knew it was his calling even from an early age... In high school, they made fun of him. In the Army, they introduced him to the “blanket party.”
Johnny “THE TEABAG” Scrothum couldn't help himself that fateful day at the Big Lots store when he tried to walk out with a $29.95 drill press.
He needed it.
He wanted it.
He took it.
If he'd just been able to hold on to the damn thing instead of dropping it on the officer's foot and breaking it. That little mistake cost him three years of his life.
Three years of seeing Facetia only twice a month. How could he live through that?
By fullfilling his destiny.
While inside, Johnny found that the very thing that made him an outcast in high school was now making him a jail house celebrity.
No, he didn't actually enjoy it but he was able to make extra money and that's an awfully difficult thing to do in prison and besides, he had just given Facetia over $6,000 toward buying a little machine shop in North Las Vegas... Only one year, five months, seventeen days, thirteen and a half hours to go.
Images of splintering metal invaded his dreams... He just had to hold on a little longer...
“Fuckin' hacks,” Johnny thought. He hated knowing that Facetia had to “perform favors” for the guards on every visit. She had barely made it out with her bunny ears and underwear the last time...
“It just keeps getting harder,” Johnny yelled as he got ready for the next show.
With the last upswing of the Gillette Mach III razor, Johnny knew this would get him even more customers... More money. More drill presses.
“Smooth,” whispered Johnny under his breath... “Smooth as three and one oil on aluminum.”
INT. BINIONS HORSHOE – NIGHT
Two RED DIE tumble down the crap table – land on SNAKE EYES.
PACO
Goddamnit!
A Waitress taps him on the shoulder.
WAITRESS
Drink?
PACO
Zima?
She scrawls on her notepad as she turns and BUMPS into Facetia with The Beez tagging along behind her.
FACETIA
(to Paco)
How's it hangin'?
PACO
Huh?
FACETIA
Sorry. How ya doin'?
PACO
Tapped out. Too bad because
the next guy looks like a
hell of a shooter.
FACETIA
And that's a good thing?
PACO
I could make a killing on
this guy.
The Beez finally edges his way next to Facetia and Paco.
THE BEEZ
The smoke in here is
killing me... Not to
mention what it's doing
to everyone's teeth.
FACETIA
(to Paco)
How much do you need?
PACO
How much you got?
Facetia slides her bunny ears off her head – turns them over and unzips a zipper revealing nothing but HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS.
FACETIA
Is this enough?
Back at the prison, Johnny works the crowd as he does his famous TEA BAG DANCE. The convicts go crazy!
“It's worth it,” Johnny thinks to himself... “Me, Facetia, and the machine shop... So worth it.”
With that, Johnny side steps his way toward the crowd...
Unk
After losing 200 lbs and rediscovering that he has a penis, a to-be-named Republican member of the House of Representatives decides a bit prematurely to show off his new physique as a nude dancer at the Gay Appolo nightclub. The poster containing this picture reads, "It's out, and now he's out! Come to our night of magic and feast your eyes!"
Oh, I'm so sad for Johnny Teabag. He's working so hard towards his machine shop and Facetia is just giving it away in Las Vegas.
I hope she's doing it for him and that Paco will win big for her and Johnny both.
Mim,
You never know... You just never know.
Unk
Pat - Guida Mostaccioli - Hehehe! I love that name! Great post!
Carl - Nuts! Hehehe...
Mim - I laughed out loud when I read this.
Emily - Hehehe... Or a cup!
Love - El Grande Ballsinez, Matador Extraordinaire, baby! Hehehe... I love that name. That's great.
Rose - I'm so sorry!
MaryAn - Hehehe... Loved it!
Laura - Welcome!
Pooks - He's certainly a guy that likes to hang...
Ross - Viva Las Vague-Ass!
Unk - Brilliant!
Steverino - Do Republicans know how to dance?
1. This is The Invisible Man.
2. Whilst terrorising a criminal with his "scary floating towel" trick, his power suddenly abandons him, stripping him of his mystery. To put it mildly.
The consequences of years of living without a mirror (or underwear) are suddely apparent for all to see.
His only gift cruely snatched away from him he takes refuge amongst the criminal underworld of Lower Pittsburg.
3. Suddenly visible he longs to disappear.
He resurfaces like a fat ugly phoenix to become the nude super villain "The Swinger" but immediately falls victim to the super heroine "The Love Bunny" and her trusty genital garotte. (See last Create A Character).
Ger x
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