Sunday, April 22, 2007

Mystery Man in the News

Obituary: Mystery Man
Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.
I’m far better looking than this guy.

Devil worship links to Mystery Man
I sold my soul to master the craft.

Britney Spears Caught Making Out with Mystery Man
Um... I’m not proud of that.

Britney Spears & Mystery Man Caught Having Dry Sex At Rehab Center
It was just a harmless game of Twister. All the kids in rehab play it.

IOL: Mystery Man Anna's baby's father
Oh no - I demand a recount.

E! News - "Lost" finds new Mystery Man
I’m just trying to get close to Kate.

Mystery Man Declares War on Al Qaeda
Well, someone has to step up and get the job done.

Terror Watch: Bin Laden’s Mystery Man
I’ve got him right where I want him.

Statues a Mystery Man created
It was a phase.

Mystery Man Feat. The Last Emperor by DJ Jazzy Jeff on Rhapsody
Yo-yo-yo… Wassup, dogs? (They love to sing about me.)

Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston share the same “Mystery Man”
If they’re okay with it, I’m okay with it.

Courteney's Date with Mystery Man
“Courteney Cox has been spotted holding hands with a Mystery Man, igniting further talk that her marriage with David Arquette is all but over.” We’re not dating. It’s just… her hands get cold.

Nicole Richie with creepy Mystery Man
Misprint - supposed to say “Mystery Man with creepy Nicole Richie.”

Mystery Man robs bank, flees into traffic
That was just... research.

Kylie Minoque seen with Mystery Man
She was using me so I’d write a script for her.
And I was okay with that.

Extra: Lohan's New Mystery Man -
Update - it's over now. She couldn’t keep up with all of my partying. Wimp. She’s also quite rude to the little people.

And finally -

ABC News: Mystery Man Plans Super Bowl Proposal
"He’s calling the proposal 'the most public declaration of love in the history of mankind.'" Will it be Jennifer? Cameron? Kylie? You'll just have to watch and see.




Unk said...

Hilarious... LOL.

"Oh no - I demand a recount."

I hope nothing's wrong with your little swimmers...


wcdixon said...

I'm with Unk...LOL

Laura Deerfield said...
I’m far better looking than this guy.

But I bet you're not cuter than the koala.

Guillermo said...

Courtney's Date with Mystery Man...

I read that headline and thought, "Geez. He's not proud of making out and having dry sex with Britney? Yet he cops to dating Courtney Love? That's just sooooooo sad."

Ann Wesley Hardin said...

I see you've been Googling yourself again. What did I tell you about that?

How do I know? Because I had some of these same headlines filed away to play a joke on you someday, far far in the distant future when we knew each other well enough. Yeah. I plan these things. Now you've gone and ruined it.

Kinda scary, actually. I logged in here today and felt like you'd inserted the Mars probe into my cranium. The only other person who seems to be able to do that is Unk.

Come to think of it, you guys are never in the same room together...

PS--Word verification is OYowVrEY. LOL. Oy vey. Close enough.

GimmeABreak said...

You just blow around like a fart in a windstorm, doncha?

He's everywhere, every moment, touching everything...

Sounds like the stories I got about Jesus when I was a kid. You tryin' to tell us something, MM?

Ann Wesley Hardin said...

Pat, you seriously crack me up.

Ann Wesley Hardin said...

Oh, and MM you do too!

Wouldn't want to insult my host. Oh no.

Mystery Man said...

unk & dix - Thanks, man. I fear I have too many swimmers. Hehehe...

laura - I've asked a few girls and the consensus is - no.

guillermo - Britney's a mess. I don't know how she seduced me like that. Someone like Courteney, well, she's more stable.

ann - I've been trying to bite my tongue, but... I've been planning a surprise for you, too. It'll take a couple of weeks. I'll let you know when it's ready. Hehehe...

pat - I'm the best smelling fart you'll ever encounter.


Ann Wesley Hardin said...

Oh MM, now you've got my heart a-pounding. Hows about I bite your tongue and we call it even?

Mim said...

So how old are you? Between the statues and dating all the starlets, you've been very busy.

BTW, what WAS Anna Nichole like? Spill!

GimmeABreak said...

Ann, one of (maybe the only?) benefit to being as old as dirt is have lived long enuf to accumulate buckets full of worthless knowledge, a library of dirty limericks and shitloads of corny homilies. The "fart" saying was a favorite of my dear departed second husband whose last wish, rest his soul, was for me to cremate him, make a douche with his ashes and run him through one more time.

Ann Wesley Hardin said...


Can't. Breathe.

*wheeze* *gasp*

You are my goddess. My one and only.


PS--For some reason, MM, your word veri NEVER accepts my first typage. It's annoying. BUT not annoying enough to keep me from bitng your tongue. Lucky you.

The beat goes on.

Mystery Man said...

Pat - That's exactly why we love ya, honey. And your story's way more entertaining than Keith Richards' claims.

Mim - With respect to age - I'm just right, didn't you know? Hehehe... I'm an enigma - increasingly wise, yet forever young. The statues aren't really old, truth be told. I only made them look old. I sure fooled them. And the thing about Anna - well, like Kylie, she was just using me to write a script for her. And I was okay with that. Hehehe...


Mystery Man said...

Ann - Oh yeah, I'll get on that. I mean, the word veri thing. Hehehe...


Ann Wesley Hardin said...

MM, you got me coming and going here. Even zoning in and out during Sopranos (which I NEVER do) where I think Junior is a metaphor for Tony Pussy who he really wants to care for the family but it's too late and...well, I can't think straight.

Damn you.

I'll be at RT next week. Drinking.

Things will only get worse from there.

And word veri BETTER take it like a...Crap. I'm off to bed.

PS--Double crap. Word veri hates me. Here we go a second time...

Mystery Man said...

Not to worry. I'm going to make word veri only give dirty words.


Take care,


bob said...

This explains the two hours of sleep a night.