Monday, May 25, 2009

A Long Time Ago..

Hey guys,

32 years ago today a little film called Star Wars was released in only 32 theaters. To celebrate, I thought I’d repost a favorite article from a couple of years ago for Ed Copeland’s
Star Wars Blog-A-Thon.

Two great lessons about SW that I hold dear to this day:

* The early drafts were so stunningly awful and so unlike the finished film, it’s such a great reminder that any bad script has the potential to reach great heights like Star Wars.

* Lucas had the amazing ability to scrap a script he just wrote and approach the story again from a completely different perspective, which he did repeatedly before settling on Luke and the hero’s arc. We all need this quality. Too many of us get too stuck on what we write and we lack the discipline to start from scratch or even approach our stories from a different perspective just to see how it plays.

Hope you enjoy it.



Exactly 30 years ago today, Star Wars was released in only 32 theaters.

And subsequently
changed the world.

In celebration of not only the 30th anniversary of Star Wars but also the
Star Wars Blog-A-Thon, which is being hosted by our very good friend Edward Copeland, I thought I’d have a little fun and talk about the early drafts of Star Wars.

Thus, I tried my very best to read all six drafts -
May 1974, July 1974, January 1975, August 1975, January 1976, and February 1977. Yeah, that was a bit much. Each one of those suckers is filled with about 30,000 words.

So I’d like to concentrate on the very first draft, which was titled simply The Star Wars. (Lucas would go on to title later drafts Star Wars: Adventures of the Starkiller, God help us all, but thankfully, he came to his senses and in the end stuck with Star Wars: A New Hope.)

Let it be said, my friends, that the early drafts of Star Wars should be a rich source of encouragement to every aspiring screenwriter the world over - because they royally sucked. They are of the same low, amateurish quality that may be found in many first screenplays written by newbies on
TriggerStreet. (Thus, many scripts and new writers have the potential to reach Star Wars heights.) Had Star Wars never happened, had Lucas uploaded his first draft onto TriggerStreet, and had he theoretically asked me to review his script for him, I’m not sure I could’ve even finished reading the darn thing.

His first version only vaguely resembles the final film that we all know and love. There is an Empire. There is a rebellion. There’s a princess. There are themes of tyranny verses democracy, which are mostly verbalized through somewhat preachy dialogue. There are characters who are called Luke, Han, Leia, Chewbacca, Darth Vader, etc, but the similarities end there. It is one thing to create from scratch a magnificent fictional universe, and it is quite another to create an effective story that sucks an audience into that world and makes them care about those characters and the conflict.

Let’s compare the opening scenes of the 1974 draft vs. the 1977 draft.

The 1974 draft opens with a shot of space and “the vast blue surface of the planet, Utapau. Five small moons slowly drift into view from the far side of the planet.”

The main titles roll-up:

“Until the recent Great Rebellion, the Jedi Bendu were the most feared warriors in the universe. For one hundred thousand years, generations of Jedi perfected their art as the personal bodyguards of the emperor. They were the chief architects of the invincible Imperial Space Force which expanded the Empire across the galaxy, from the celestial equator to the farthest reaches of the Great Rift.

Now these legendary warriors are all but extinct. One by one they have been hunted down and destroyed as enemies of the New Empire by a ferocious and sinister rival warrior sect, the Knights of Sith.”

And then:

A small silver spacecraft emerges from behind one of the Utapau moons. The deadly little fightercraft speeds past several of the moons, until it finally goes into orbit around the fourth moon.

Now consider the 1977 version:

First, the roll-up:

“It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire.

During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the Death Star, an armored space station with enough power to destroy an entire planet.

Pursued by the Empire's sinister agents, Princess Leia races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the galaxy...”

And then the action:

The awesome yellow planet of Tatooine emerges from a total eclipse, her two moons glowing against the darkness. A tiny silver spacecraft, a Rebel Blockade Runner firing lasers from the back of the ship, races through space. It is pursed by a giant Imperial Stardestroyer. Hundreds of deadly laserbolts streak from the Imperial Stardestroyer, causing the main solar fin of the Rebel craft to disintegrate.

The first is just setting and backstory. And it’s boring. The second is setting, backstory, establishes the conflict, and then we’re thrown right into action with this little spacecraft being chased down by a giant Imperial Stardestroyer. It also sets up better the expectation of the thrills to come and makes a very clear visual statement.

Of this statement, I loved what Barry Toffoli said at

“Star Wars" opens with a shot of space and the soft sound of John Williams score, then the shot shifts to a planet. So right away we know we’re in for adventure on foreign soil, in outer space no less. Then a small vessel comes from the top of the screen. This is quickly followed by a series of blasts as the score turns into that famous booming on sound, akin to Gustav Holst’s ‘Mars’ [from "The Planets"]. This is all quickly followed by the enormously famous and copied shot of a behemoth star cruiser coming in from the top of the screen and going on forever. It doesn’t take long to figure out that this story is a tale of good versus evil, the little guy getting bullied by the big guy. Even the planet in the shot plays into the theme, representing a new undiscovered world a new hope for freedom and life. But we know the journey will be hard as the star cruiser looms over everything from the rebel ship to the planet below to the audience watching it in the theatre.

Following the opening sequence (in the first draft), we find ourselves on the wastelands of the fourth moon called Utapau with an 18-year-old Annikin Starkiller (who would eventually become Luke Skywalker). He’s wearing a “breath mask” and “goggles.” He’s surveying something with his “electrobinoculars.” He runs home. We’re introduced to his younger brother, Deak, and his father, Kane Starkiller, who is a master Jedi. The three go out into the wasteland together to investigate a Sith spacecraft that had landed nearby. His father leaves the boys to get a closer look. While he’s gone a “sinister Sith warrior” attacks Annikin and Deak. “Laserswords” are drawn. The Sith kills Deak. And just when Annikin is about to die, he is saved by his father. (All of this business about Jedis and Siths and laserswords was just too much too soon.)

Darth Vader is just a “tall, grim-looking general.” We see the Emperor tell his troops about a forthcoming battle and the Empire’s intent to conquer the Aquilaean System, “the last of the independent systems, and the last refuge of the outlawed, vile sect of the Jedi.” It is a system that will bring them “more scientific wealth than that of any other House in the Tribunal.” They will easily “gain control of the directorship.” Oh. Nice.

The armies of Aquilae are led by an old Jedi – General Luke Skywalker. “He is a large man, apparently in his early sixties, but actually much older. Everyone senses the aura of power that radiates from this great warrior. Here is a leader: a Jedi general. He looks weary, but is still a magnificent-looking warrior. His face, cracked and weathered by exotic climates, is set off by a close silver beard, and dark, penetrating eyes.”

Kane and his son just sort of... show up. Kane’s old friends with Skywalker. He begs Skywalker to take Annikin as his Padawan Learner in order to be a complete Jedi, because he is too old to complete his training. Annikin’s already reached “the fifth stage.” Skywalker reluctantly accepts him. And then Kane takes off for “the spaceport at Gordon to visit an old friend, Han Solo, the Ureallian.”

And from here, the story descends into the seventh circle of screenwriting hell.

There’s this business about Skywalker desperately trying to get a “war code” in order to “start the war computers” and send his troops into space to be ready for an imminent attack by the Empire, but he can’t get it until there’s a vote about an alliance treaty. And then they say, “May the force of others be with you all.”

Skywalker learns about a death star, which we never see, but we see “a space fortress.” Maybe they were the same thing. I'm not sure. In any case, they’ll be attacking at sunrise. He sends Starkiller to get Princess Leia to bring her to safety.

And here’s the basic arc of their sordid relationship.

First encounter:

Forget the cases - we've no time.

These are my things. They must...

I said forget them, and hurry...

Just who do you think you are?

Starkiller grabs the princess by the arm, and hauls her to the speeder. Mina and the old women run after them.

I will not be treated like this! You bring my things.... My father will have your head... (etc.)

Leia struggles to break away from the young warrior's grasp as he opens the door of the speeder.

Settle down!

When the door to the speeder is opened, Mina starts in, and Starkiller stops her.

You must stay. Here, take the Crest.

Starkiller rips the royal crest from the princess' neck, and hands it to the startled handmaiden. The old women gasp in horror. The princess starts hitting Starkiller with little result.

Mina's not staying...I'm not leaving her. You can't....

Starkiller punches her square on the jaw and knocks her cold. Mina is panic stricken, one of the old women faints, and another starts for Starkiller with a large staff.

She'll be all right. I'm taking her to ordered. You will wear the crest and continue as before.

Later as they are flying along in a landspeeder:

You are such a barbarian. I'll have my father cut you into little pieces when we get back...and I'll take pleasure in feeding you to the Gonthas....a little bit each day. I may save your eyes though. I'll have them petrified and made into a necklace.

Your sweetness is only surpassed by your beauty. Just try to remember, I'm only following orders.

... to beat me and abuse me?

I'm afraid I've only learned one way to treat wild animals.

And then, somehow, they fall in love:

Will we make it? Is there any hope? Stay with me... I love you.

Starkiller is slightly shocked at this outburst. The princess starts to cry and clings to him for support.

No-one is going to stop acting like a child, and start behaving like a queen. What is this silly talk of love? You belong to the people of Aquilae, and my job is to return you to them, nothing more. Now straighten up and get into a lifepod.

She's deeply hurt by his callousness. She breaks away from him and runs down a hallway into a lifepod. He is tired, and angry at the whole incident.

And in the very next scene:

What's going on with you two?

We're in love. She loves me, and I just realized... I love her.

Pardon me while I heave.

There were two androids. They were annoying. "Artwo" could speak.

This is madness; we're going to be destroyed. I'm still not accustomed to space travel.

The external bombardment does appear to be concentrated in this area. The structure has exceeded the normal stress quotient by point four, although there appears to be no immediate danger.

No immediate danger! You're faulty. This is madness!

Because they’re losing the battle to the Empire, they decide to take the Princess and 33 of the greatest scientific minds to the Ophuchi system to be safe. But they don’t actually take the scientists.

The doctor moves over to a safe-like cabinet guarded by two attendants. The doctor gingerly picks up a small clear vial filled with grey fluid. It has a label which reads: Faubun, Astro-dynamics...In the background the scholar on the operating table is undergoing a form of mechanized brain surgery.

"Bloodory's distillation?"

Yes. It has been greatly perfected. The brain is condensed into five ounces of fluid. Cloning cell samples are included so that a structural duplicate of the scientist can be reproduced. When the duplicate child reaches the age of six, he or she begins a series of injections of the brain fluid. By the age of ten years, they have received all the knowledge and memory of an experienced scientist: an old mind in a young body. We have prepared a special shock-belt to carry the vials.

I’ll bet that was fashionable.

Here’s the rest of the story, which was woefully inadequate:

- Skywalker, Starkiller and company try to flee with the princess (and scientists floating inside their special shock-belts).

- The escape attempt fails and they crash land on the planet Yavin.

- They lose the princess.

- They’re taken in by “Wookees,” whose colony is run by Chewbacca.

- The Empire captures the princess and takes her to the “space fortress.”

- Skywalker and company teach the “Wookees” how to fly a spacecraft.

- And then the “Wookees” fly the spacecrafts into outer space and attack the “space fortress.” Vader tells Leia, “I'm afraid I have no more time to deal with you. A senseless and futile attack by your friends has forced me to take a rather unpleasant course of action. Your execution will have to be expedited.”

- Skywalker and Starkiller board the “space fortress,” rescue the princess, take her to a spacecraft, and float away with the garbage, while the “Wookees” continue the attack and eventually blow up the “space fortress.”

- There is much celebrating in the end.

Okay, I should make at least one serious point here. Let me ask a question: why should we care about this kid, Annikin Starkiller, who gets pushed off onto General Skywalker? Here, I think we find some of the great lessons in the transformation of Star Wars as a story. It’s not just about special effects and being entertaining and being halfway intelligent (please!) about the relationships between these characters. This is about having a protagonist who
has a goal. In this first draft (and second), Annikin is just a young adult who has almost completed his training and seems likely to do so. And then we just watch him in action. Yawn. So what? He’s all set!

But consider the final version in which we’re given a young Luke Skywalker who not only has an inner goal to be a hero
Joseph Campbell style, but he’s also disadvantaged because of his circumstances, and they're holding him back from being what he really wants to be. Who couldn’t sympathize with that? When Luke stared at that horizon on Tatooine and those two setting suns and longed for something better, we longed with him and rooted for him to get it. When his parents were murdered we knew he was on a trajectory for a great adventure that we were very ready to go on with him. And so we were introduced to this great universe through Luke and his inner needs, which made all the difference in the world.

By the way, George, I am interested to know what the hell happened to those scientists floating around in those little bottles on Skywalker's shock-belt. I guess they're okay now.

May the force of others be with you all.


Christian H. said...

* Lucas had the amazing ability to scrap a script he just wrote and approach the story again from a completely different perspective, which he did repeatedly before settling on Luke and the hero’s arc. We all need this quality. Too many of us get too stuck on what we write and we lack the discipline to start from scratch or even approach our stories from a different perspective just to see how it plays.

I say this all the time. The way I do it is work out every scene, interaction and character in outline form. If the outline meshes, I start the script. If not, I throw it out and start over.

I am getting better at it though as I am down from 5 to 2 "drafts" before I'm happy.

I read the first draft of Star Wars .... and regretted it. It was horribly formatted; had so much black space as to cause dizziness; jumped all over the place, etc.

As an example, I have a comedy on TS that was three other movies before it ended up as "Die Hard meets Sidekicks in a school."

I killed a whole family twice. It was a good exercise though as comedy is HARD! REAL HARD!

It's a real challenge to maintain a coherent storyline AND have jokes on every page.

Anyway, it's really been 32 years?

Wow, it goes to show that nothing is ever new. Star wars had the same elements as most successful action films: a love triangle, a deadly villain and his meaner boss; triumph against the odds; a suicide attack; a comedic sidekick; a straight man and comic(R2D2 and C3PO).

Of course the tone was different from say Star Trek, but the same elements are in both.

Lucas, in fact, said that he got most of the elements from swashbuckler films.

I found a site called SuperShadow that has tons of Lucas\Star Wars info, including the synopses of the Ep 7-10 and 1-3.

Mickey Lee said...

What's even more amazing is how many of these awesomely bad ideas made their way into the Prequel Trilogy!

mrswing said...

Not to mention the execrable dialogue!

Salva Rubio said...

Awesome post!

Also, there's a fact that you might find interesting (and maybe deserves an article ;), or even a full book), a fact that I think unwritten of, and that is how the language of screenwriting has changed over the years.

Not only in terms of politically incorrect actions or outdated dialogue, but in the way characters are introduced, action is developed, setups are paid off, etc.

When reading lots of all time scripts, it's amazing how classic movies from the 90's, 80's etc, are written in fashions and styles which today would be blatantly unacceptable.

There are films that even today are classics and haven't aged a bit, but if one refers to the script can't help but to say a big 'yuck!' when regarding exposition, camera indications, non-actable information written in prose...

It's a must to read these scripts and realize that screenwriting is an ever-changing art form whose current formal qualities must be known and appreciated, not only for artistic reasons, but for the obvious fact that a script written in outdated form will be rejected.

Also, it's a great way to have some chuckles when reading them:

"Dude, THIS got made..." :)

Tanuki said...

What I find interesting about Star Wars as a screenplay is twofold. Firstly, and this is the true inspiration he took from The Hidden Fortress, is that the B story is the A story. The whole movie is really, from a classical point of view, the story of R2D2 and his associate C-3PO.

Secondly, and this is a related point - you don't meet the so-called protagonist, Luke Skywalker until page 22, and you don't meet Obi-Wan until page 30! Han solo you don't meet until much latr, nearly the midpoint of the movie. A lot of rules broken there, but broken very very well.

Anonymous said...

I find it interesting how much it changed in the context of the assertion at the time that Lucas had the overall story mapped out in 12 parts before even making the first one. If the actual movie was so very different from the initial draft, presumably the subsequent movies were a long way from the original idea, too.

Christian, that site, SuperShadow, is pretty funny. I can't say that I was that impressed with his ideas for the next film (episode 7) - 30 years in the future and the enemy is a cult who worship Darth Vader - even though Vader had a deathbed conversion, sold out the dark side and killed the Emperor, gifting victory to the rebels. Hmmmm...

Anonymous said...

Lucas also had ghostwriters Willard Huyuck and Gloria Katz who completely re-wrote his script, for zero credit.
You want to see a film written only by George Lucas, watch the torturous Phantom Menace -- where, as someone has already mentioned, many of the awful ideas from the first draft of The Star Wars ended up.
Huyuck and Katz wrote the 2nd Indiana Jones movie for Lucas. Then he repaid them by letting them make their own movie. Unfortunately it was Howard the Duck.

Christian H. said...


Yeah, Shadow is a funny guy. But he does have Lucas' ear as he had a lot of input into ROTS.
Lucas even posts there. Ep 7 is kind of weird. I actually suggested a way to show that Mace Windu didn't die.

Anonymous said...

@ Christian M. Howell:

"SuperShadow had a lot of input into ROTS"No. Not true. Don't believe everything you read on Internet.

Nick H said...

Great, MM, now you've inspired me to write MY version of STAR WARS: EPISODE ONE, when I should be working on an original script!

Thanks a bunch.

(actually I'm loving it!!)

Chadd Keim said...

Christian, that SuperShadow site has been one of the biggest jokes within Star Wars fandom circles for years. It's completely bogus, and is the author's fictional meanderings woven into snippets of info he/she finds from the web.

On the script note: I'd read some other versions of the screenplay, back in the 90s, and always found it interesting how so many names and places kept their labels, but evolved into different locals and characters. Those early drafts are entertaining, to say the least.

Brian Robinson said...

Great post and thank you! God, I still love that film. But this demonstrates the value of outlines so much! It'a amazing how clearly laid out Star Wars is, especially when you see the mess he started out with. And steer clear of Supershadow. He's delusional and claims he's pals with Lucas and Spielberg, which he's not. LFL have had the lawyers on to him before.

daveed said...

Thank you for republishing this! Goes to show that while plot drives the film, character makes it come to life. And characterization was (and remains) Lucas's weak point.

I'm not surprised at the comments that draw parallels between Lucas's early drafts and his more recent output. Again, plot over characterization, which inevitably makes for a dull film experience.

Unknown said...

Wow, this is REALLY bad. I couldn't even finish your abbreviated version. I figured I could stomach this being somewhere well above geek yet well bellow diehard fanboy. Frankly folks, I committed blogger heresy and skipped all of the comments after I read the very first line "Lucas had the amazing ability to scrap a script he just wrote and approach the story again..." Ugh, sorry, that's too much credit. Don't get me wrong, the man developed the modern day epic myth. A 1000 or so years from Lucas' myth might, oddly enough, be studied like the works of Homer. However, in this context recognizing a crap script for what it is is a good exercise of good judgment. Recognizing a steaming pile is far from amazing. Do, or do not, for I could not even try to read this whole post. I did enjoy it anyways because I always appreciate creative insight.

Anonymous said...

"When his parents were murdered we knew he was on a trajectory for a great adventure"

It wasn't Luke's parents who were killed in A New Hope, it was his uncle Owen and aunt Beru.

Christian H. said...

Christian, that SuperShadow site has been one of the biggest jokes within Star Wars fandom circles for years. It's completely bogus, and is the author's fictional meanderings woven into snippets of info he/she finds from the web.

I base that on the fact that before Episode Three came out he had the entire script and it was what showed up on screen.

Perhaps Lucas doesn't answer questions and he has nothing to do with Star Wars but he has every script and information that has to be at least insider.

I agree that he is an a-hole.

Randall Bart said...

I am fascinated by the progression of the name Luke Skywalker. Initially, our hero is named Annikin Starkiller and Luke Skywalker is a Jedi general. Then Annikin Starkiller becomes the father's name, our hero is Luke Starkiller and Skywalker is...Yoda? Eventually Skywalker replaces Starkiller, restoring the name Luke Skywalker, but Annikin Skywalker is (supposedly) dead.

supershadow said...

below are the jedi commandments that are to be followed by all star wars fans effective immediately
(these commandments were done by george lucas and supershadow collectively)

1. thou shalt not question the infallibility of george lucas or his creations

explaination: lucas can only make things that are total in their perfection. if
a star wars film fails at the box office , it is not a failing of lucas.
REMEMBER: George lucas cannot make mistakes!!! It is the fault of you the fans
by not going to the cinema enough.

2. thou shalt spend at least 20 per cent of income per month on star wars merchandise

explaination: a true star wars fan will always ensure the star wars story is continually sold.
We must ensure that our money gets to lucasfilm. We owe it to george lucas. he has
only you (the star wars fan)'s interest at heart.
remember when passing a toy shop,do go in and buy star wars merchandise(figureens, star
wars books etc). do not think of the money , only that you honour lucas with each

3. thou shalt always ensure to the best of my ability that all new star wars releases are box office
smash hits

Explaination: a true star wars fan will go to any new star wars film in the cinema at least
30 times!!!. It is imperative that you take time off work, start at the 3:30 showing and then
all the repeat showings until the cinema closes. If all star wars fans obeyed this commandment
all future star wars films would knock titanic off the top pedestal
If you are unable to get time off work, simply calculate the cost of going 30 times and send
this amount to

4. do shalt within my lifetime visit lucasfilm (skywalker ranch) at least once.

Explaination: true star wars fans are obliged to visit sky walker ranch which is the birth place of jedi
when there, please do all the guided tours (their is a discount if all taken together)
however if a star wars fan is coming close to the end of his/her life and has not yet made the
pilgrimage, he/she must leave at least 20 per cent of they're estate at death to george lucas
and lucas film. lucas will remember that person as if they had made the pilgrimage

5. Thou shalt not suffer anyone to ridicule star wars or george lucas

Explaination: a true star wars fan will not suffer the star wars story, movies , characters, special effects to be ridiculed
by the foolish. ie should a friend or family member ridicule jar jar binks, you must disown that person even
though they may be your flesh and blood. lucas expects nothing less. dont not use violence-just walk away.
the jedi religion is a religion of peace.

DH said...

I don't think we should forget that Joeseph Campbell gave script notes.

Also, I had the pleasure of reading Peter Cushing's copy of the script a few years ago and I can tell you that he re-wrote almost all his dialogue. It was there in red ink.

I do think GL was a genius though. His first three films are very unique. Such a shame.

DJ Dynamite Teddy said...

As someone else pointed out - The Hidden Fortress.

From what I can gather from this post, the original draft is a much closer plagiarism of the plot to The Hidden Fortress. Obviously in the later drafts, Lucas, or whoever wrote them, decided not to follow the inspiration so closely and do something different.

Tanuki said...

I think what happened is - he started out with the Hidden Fortress, reflected - and then added a whopping dose of American Graffitti. This is very apparent in the filmed but unreleased scene where Luke and Biggs talk. It's escaping from Modesto all over again. I think a combination of that small town desire to be someone, combined with the kick-ass Kurosawa hit just the right note - and a legend was born.

And I think John Williams deserves a lot of the credit for the success of Star Wars, too. I know this is a script blog, but if there was one thing Lucas understood, it was sound.

Dazy said...

Giving Anakin this responsibility makes no sense if this is viewed as a bridge between the final two prequels, as Anakin is still viewed as reckless and irresponsible come "Revenge of the Sith."

Tanya said...

Hmmm, that was interesting. Looks like somethings will always remain mystery.

I myself has been trying to solve the mystery of the legend that forces you to have "earn it before having it", for a wile now. Could not understand much though.

Let me know in case you get to understand the mystery of the Old Hound and the Legend

By the way, good writing style. I'd love to read more on similar topics

Gavin said...

I don't like science fiction stories much. But I have to bring the DVDs for my little kids only. They are very fond of Star Wars.

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Medya Eleştirmeni said...

I find it interesting how much it changed in the context of the assertion at the time that Lucas had the overall story mapped out in 12 parts before even making the first one. If the actual movie was so very different from the initial draft, presumably the subsequent movies were a long way from the original idea, too.
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