Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Timid Screenwriter

Hey guys,

Not long ago, I reread Stephen King’s how-to diatribe,
On Writing. In fact, I read quite a few grammar books as a refresher and to help spice up my articles for Script Magazine. With respect to King, I’m sorry. The more I read his book, the more I disagree with him. His book is more pokable than the Pillsbury Doughboy. 1) A Thesaurus is actually a wonderful thing. Rogets can INSPIRE breathtaking sentences! And 2) don’t even get me started on adverbs. King was horrifically wrong about adverbs. But the one area upon which we can agree is that timid writers suck the big one.

As I’m sure most of my brilliant readers already know, King trashed timid writers when it came to passive verbs and sentences:

Verbs come in two types, active and passive. With an active verb, the subject of the sentence is doing something. With a passive verb, something is being done to the subject of the sentence. The subject is just letting it happen. You should avoid the passive tense. I’m not the only one who says so; you can find the same advice in The Elements of Style.

(Oh, you mean that
little grammar book that’s SO pre-digital age and revised only 4 times since 19-frickin’-18? That one? Did you know that E.B. White was an essayist and writer for The New Yorker? In 1957, he wrote, “I felt uneasy at posing as an expert on rhetoric, when the truth is I write by ear, always with difficulty and seldom with any exact notion of what is taking place under the hood.” Even Strunk, the English professor, said, “the best writers sometimes disregard the rules of rhetoric. When they do so, however, the readers will usually find in the sentence some compensating merit, attained at the cost of the violation.” WHAT? You can break the rules? But back to King.)

Messrs. Strunk and White don’t speculate as to why so many writers are attracted to passive verbs, but I’m willing to; I think timid writers like them for the same reason timid lovers like passive partners. The passive voice is safe. There is no troublesome action to contend with; the subject just has to close its eyes and think of England, to paraphrase Queen Victoria. I think unsure writers also feel the passive voice somehow lends their work authority, perhaps even a quality of majesty. If you find instruction manuals and lawyers’ torts majestic, I guess so.

(But sometimes the passive sentence IS majestic. These are the times that try men’s souls. How are you going to improve upon that sentence? It’s perfect! If you wanted to make it active, you’d have to write, “We live in the kind of times that try souls.” Or maybe we should make the word “times” active since that’s what’s screwing with our souls? “These times try men’s souls.” Eh. “Times like these try men’s souls.” Ugh... We could make “souls” active. “Men’s souls must endure trying times as these.” Or how about: “Soulwise, these are trying times!” Oh puh-lease. Sorry! Back to King.)

I won’t say there’s no place for the passive tense. Suppose, for instance, a fellow dies in the kitchen but ends up somewhere else. The body was carried from the kitchen and placed on the parlor sofa is a fair way to put this, although “was carried” and “was placed” still irk the shit out of me. I accept them but I don’t embrace them.

(It’s not “was carried” and “was placed.” It’s “was carried… and placed.” Nothing wrong with that. Sorry! Back to King.)

What I would embrace is Freddy and Myra carried the body out of the kitchen and laid it on the parlor sofa. Why does the body have to be the subject of the sentence, anyway? It’s dead, for Christ’s sake! Fuhgeddaboudit!

(Funny that King writes “Fuhgeddaboudit!” as this kind of “offbeat,” rogue word was strictly prohibited by Messrs. Strunk and White. Slang and diction? Are you kidding? In fact, White decreed about thirty years ago that you can’t write slang because, “by the time this paragraph sees print, uptight, ripoff, rap, dude, vibes, copout, and funky will be the words of yesteryear.” Sorry, dudes! Back to King.)

…And remember. The writer threw the rope, not The rope was thrown by the writer. Please oh please.

May I ask a question? What if you’re writing a mystery and this is the sentence that reveals the killer? Wouldn’t you want to save that revelation for the end? “The rope was thrown by… THE WRITER!” No way! Damn writers! Or what if you’re writing a joke? “All of these outrageous, sexually depraved emails were written by… my mother.” Bwaah ha ha ha ha ha ha WOO HAAA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Or what if you used the passive voice to emphasize a passive character like the way Germaine Greer did in
The Female Eunuch: “The married woman’s significance can only be conferred by the presence of a man at her side, a man upon whom she absolutely depends. In return for renouncing, collaborating, adapting, identifying, she is caressed, desired, handled, influenced.” The structure may be passive, but there’s passion behind Germaine’s words.

In any case, I do generally agree about active verbs, although exceptions can be made, kinda like voice overs. Just because someone broke the rules, the world shouldn’t get hysterical. To King’s bigger point, I absolutely agree that timid writers suck. In novels, according to King, timid scribes tend to embrace a passive voice.

I’ve always wondered how this translates into screenwriting. Naturally, everyone knows you must keep your action lines in the present tense and use active verbs because you are in the moment with the characters as you are watching a film. But what are other qualities that would characterize the timid screenwriter?

I thought of 10 or so qualities.


1) Avoids Drama, Tension, & Conflict – I believe the key to timid screenwriting is what King said, that the writer makes decisions so “There is no troublesome action to contend with.” This is what kills me about new writers. They dream and work hard to become a screenwriter, yet, they’re so reluctant to embrace drama. Hello? That’s screenwriting! And sometimes I think they deceive themselves when they’re writing happy warm scenes where all the characters are getting along because they’re feeling the happy feelings of the characters. And they assume the reader will feel those feelings as well. No, they won’t. That’s when the reader will be falling asleep because there’s no drama, tension, or conflict. That’s what a story is. FADE IN and something’s wrong. Or writers will just dip their toes into a conflict and then quickly get away from it, and I find myself telling them, “get rid of all that extraneous shit and dive right into the drama. That entire scene should be about the conflict!” Or in horror scripts, I’ll tell them to embrace the tension and fear and drag out the suspense to excruciating levels. That’s the fun of horror! There’s another aspect of avoidance. Some writers keep themselves distanced from the action, too. An important scene would take place off screen. Or we would have to watch important action scenes from a distance. Like a battle scene observed solely from a mountain or men going down into a tunnel filled with monsters or something, but we’d be watching the action only on TV screens in a newsroom. Put the reader in the middle of the action!

2) Passive Protagonists – Much has been written on this topic, and I’m sure my readers do not need this explained. Just as timid writers embrace passive sentences in novels, I think they also embrace passive protagonists in screenplays. This is where things are being done to the protag, as opposed to a protag being active and mixing things up. One of my cigar friends is in sales and he says he gets up at six a.m., works out, and then gets into his office to “make things happen.” That’s a good protagonist. There are exceptions to this rule. I have few problems with Forrest Gump or Benjamin Button. But I’d have to say that new writers should master the art of the active protag first before delving into exceptions. You need to be established before people will be willing to embrace an exception like that.

3) Weak Antagonists – Even pros make this mistake, which at times can be just poor decision-making. But sometimes, with new writers, I think they make certain decisions to weaken an antagonist because they want to be accepted SO MUCH as a writer that they water down the antagonist to make it easy on the reader. That’s crazy! Readers WANT to go on that wild ride. They WANT to feel that tension and suspense. Otherwise, what’s the point? Or maybe timid writers think that nasty antagonists will reflect poorly on their personalities because they want to be viewed as nice people. Fuhgeddaboudit! If you love stories, you must love a good strong nasty villain. Besides, the nastier the villain, the more satisfying the finale.

4) Excessively Pared-Down Dialogue and Action Lines – Some writers have read so much about “Show, Don’t Tell” that they’re almost afraid to write dialogue. Look, your characters need to be alive on the page! There’s nothing at all wrong with dialogue so long as it’s good dialogue, which for me means forgetting about realism and aiming for layers and
subtext. Also, some writers pare down the action lines to keep as much white on the pages as possible. There’s nothing wrong with action paragraphs either, so long as there’s a reason for every single word you write and you avoid incidental actions. Follow Dave Trottier’s principles of keeping the action paragraphs down to four lines or fewer. It’s all good so long as it serves an important purpose.

5) Wrong Emphasis in Action Lines – Sometimes I think that timid writers pay an extreme amount of attention to the action lines and descriptions of rooms and incidental actions as a way of avoiding conflict. This is about HOW the scene plays out. This is about WHAT happens, not so much all of the little details you’ll see on the screen. I once came across a script full of “maybes” in the action lines. “John (maybe) shoots Kate (or he stabs her or poisons her).” I said, “What the hell is going on with these actions lines?” Well, he had read an article that suggested adding “maybe” to the action lines because screenplays are a collaborative effort and this would invite collaboration. Are you kidding me? It’s your job to figure out the story! I told the writer to stand up, straighten his back, stick his chin out and write, “John shoots Kate.” There. Don’t you feel better?

6) Thin Plots – There’s nothing wrong with starting out on a simple plot. In fact, there’s wisdom in starting out simple. But that doesn’t mean you should stick with one plot and nothing else. To do this risks stretching your story too thin. Throw in a subplot or two.

7) Flashback Structures – With a few exceptions, I despise flashback structures. There was a time when I was actively writing reviews on
TriggerStreet that it seemed almost everyone had a flashback structure. I think this stems from a need to hook the reader early because they aren’t confident enough to think they can hold the attention of a reader through a normal 3-act structure. So they try to hook a reader by showing part of the ending first and then making that reader sit through 120 pages to actually see how the ending ends! Fuhgeddaboudit! Do the hard work. Master the 3-act structure.

8) Lack of Trust in the Reader – I touched upon this
earlier, but it’s worth repeating. An inevitable sign of growth in a new writer (and we all go through this arc) is in the area of trusting the reader. Newbies and timid writers who haven't developed the discipline of trusting the reader tend to over-explain simple things in the action lines or they over-explain obvious reactions in characters or they indulge in on-the-nose dialogue to convey obvious emotions we all know that particular character is feeling. Over time, you'll learn that you only need to explain something once (or not even explain it at all) and then move on because you know very well that your readers are with you, will get it, and will appreciate you more for trusting them.

9) Copy Instead of Create – Creating is what makes screenwriting so much fun! And I think timid writers tend to pull from scenes and techniques and style choices in other successful films (thinking that it will make their own story successful) as opposed to taking a concept and making it your own. Just because a certain sequence or technique worked well in another film does not necessarily mean that it’ll work at all in the context of YOUR story. Sit back and ask yourself: “What’s the best way to tell THIS story?” “How can I tell this story in ways we haven’t seen before?” Brainstorm about ways you can be different.

10) I Can’t Think of Another One – What are your thoughts?



Joshua James said...

Well, I disagree with you in general on the ON WRITING book itself, I've read it fifty or so times, probably more, and each time I find something new ... I like that King is a stylist yet he tries hard to really understand what he does from an analytical place (that's my take on the book) and allows his own weaknesses (doesn't trust adverbs, but occasionally will indulge in a juicy one) ... but I do think that, despite our difference on the book itself, you've hit the nail on the head with this post (and btw, you may like David Morrel's book on writing successful novels, it's more screenplay specific in a way) and I'd add my own number ten, from King ...

10 Ideal Reader ... King talks about writing for your ideal reader (or Ideal Audience, for us) and imagining how they'll be affected or moved by what he's done ... that's a real inelegant way of putting it (and King does so much better) but it's very important, I think, to think about your IR as a novelist and your audience as a screenwriter ... in other words, it ain't about you, it's about them ...

Just my opinion, of course ...

Sabina E. said...

"What I would embrace is Freddy and Myra carried the body out of the kitchen and laid it on the parlor sofa. Why does the body have to be the subject of the sentence, anyway?"

Nah, the passive sentence is much more interesting and poetic. It strikes an image in your mind when it reads "the body is carried from A to B." It lets your imagination run wild.

good post. I never even thought about passive vs active verbs that way til before.

Caitlin said...

"These are the times that try men’s souls."

I don't think that is actually an example of the passive voice. A passive version of that sentence would be: "Men's souls are tried by times like these."

Unknown said...

10. screenwriters that invoke others work to obtain an emotional response. "Hey remember that scene from The Godfather with the horse's head?"

Anonymous said...

Well, "The body was carried from the kitchen and placed on the parlor sofa" and "Freddy and Myra carried the body out of the kitchen and laid it on the parlor sofa" are not interchangeable.

In screenwriting, the first sentence might be constructed that way as a shot, without revealing the carriers. The latter is just a mere action line.

Trevor Finn said...


One-dimensional characters, or characters that are all exactly the same (and talk like the screenwriter). This is the phase I think everyone goes through at some point, where you think you can just automatically write real, compelling characters without really thinking about them in advance.

Salva Rubio said...

MM, you just listed the 9 most common reasons why in my occasional job as a reader I have to stamp the seal "Pass".

Point 10 for me would be a weak concept (and maybe it should appear at #1).

Nice post.

Anonymous said...

on #4 - I've become convinced that "Show, Don't Tell" is hurting many screenplays and screenwriters. Aspiring screenwriters (of which I am one... one of which I am...) throw that phrase around so much, that yes - as you point out in your article, they've begun to fear lengthy dialogue - but they also don't seem to understand that two characters interacting, talking about their past (in a well-crafted manner), future plans, thoughts on life - that, when done well, IS showing. For example, if "Before Sunrise" went up for peer review on a screenwriting site, it would get torn apart because it was "telling". Drives me crazy - that "rule" is being applied more and more, without a true understanding.

Lisa Aldin said...

Great article!

Karim said...

I...dunno. I read the book a few years ago, it's the single best "how-to" on writing ever written. I think he knows as well as anyone that you'll break the rules, but it was excellent. I think he aimed it more at sucky Patricia Cornwell-writers than anyone.

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Unknown said...

I think something King might be forgetting in his passive voice example is how important the subject of the sentence is to the scene.

If, say, there are 10 people standing around, and it is important for the reader to note that it is "Freddy and Myra" who carry the body, then sure, make them the subject of the sentence.

But if it dosn't matter who it was that did the carrying, if the important thing for the scene is that there is a dead body, then why not make it the subject?

Anonymous said...

I actually concur with King's advice about adverbs and passive voice in general. Obviously it's okay to break the "rules" when there's a good reason to. In working on my novel, I discovered another reason to use some passive voice -- to break up the monotony of starting sentences in a first-person narrative with the word "I".

Luzid said...

Good stuff, MM.

#1 is just death. If there's no conflict, there's no story! I'm a huge fan of making the protagonist fail again and again, despite best efforts to succeed.

And on the final note - I don't need to tell you how much gold can be mined by digging deeper into a concept. Ghosts haunt a city. Meh. Ghost-busters clean up a haunted city. Ah!

I know when I did it, my okay concept became something producers heard and proclaimed "great pitch!".

Alexandra Sokoloff said...

Fabulous list, MM!!

For your missing tenth, two things spring to mind. One of the most common timidity errors I see in beginning writers, screen or novel, is not dramatizing the most major scenes. Like, the main character is attacked and the writer has him knocked out immediately instead of showing any of the fight, only to come to later when all the action's over. In a thriller! It's your JOB to deliver the THRILLS.

Likewise with huge emotional moments and sex scenes. Don't timidly cut away just when everything's getting going. Take it to the limit.

The second timidity I see not just in beginners but in published books and produced movies: Not forcing the hero/ine to face his or her greatest trauma and fear in the climax.

And I mean on an emotional and thematic level, not just physical. A good writer is brave enough to dig past those first superficial ideas about the final confrontation and find a place, a conflict, a heartbreaking decision, that really tests everything that the hero/ine is.

Christian H. said...

Cool list. Super insight. I was hoping the news would slow down and the discourse would pick up.

I basically agree with all of those points.

My Number 10 would be "outrageous environments." Like when a writer sets the story in a remote Himalayan mountain region.

I guess coming in second would be the "unbelievable coincidence," like the Venom landing right near Spidey.

I'd actually put a Number one as "no thorough outline before writing."
When you have a well-planned and executed outline, you will elicit emotional responses in readers.

They may not agree but...

Trevor Finn said...

@ Christian

What's wrong with outrageous environments? Do we want to see every movie about a person in a cubicle? There are plenty of movies/TV shows where the strange environment was captivating and necessary for the film (Batman Begins, LOST, Star Wars).

Anonymous said...

(It’s not “was carried” and “was placed.” It’s “was carried… and placed.” Nothing wrong with that. Sorry! Back to King.)

King's reference is correct in that the second "was" is implied by the conjunction.

Hugh said...

Really interesting stuff. I just found this blog the other day, from the Raiders post, and I'll definitely be coming back often.

The On Writing book touched and appalled me as well, but for completely different reasons. King has a luxury as a novel writer that screenwriters don't have, which is concise format and structure. But, even still-- he says that he starts most stories without knowing how they're going to end! That sounds like a prescription for nightmares to me. And it's the same for him as well-- he said he got so stuck with the Stand that he became physically ill, then had to invent that cockamamie way to kill off half his cast with a random bomb. And The Stand often read like he didn't know where he was going, it's not like he-- or anyone-- has the talent to hide that fact. In fact, almost all of King's stories, with the notable and extreme exception of The Dead Zone-- read like they don't know where they're going.

That said, I found the book a relief in the same manner as the movie Adaptation and the documentary Comedian, which is that it reminded me that even people who are extremely famous and well-rewarded for writing still struggle with the process. It's just nice to feel like you're not alone when you're broken while breaking story, and that you're not the Salieri to their Mozart.

Hugh said...

Er... King's luxury is that he's not beholden to concise format and structure. For a comment on a post about how to construct sentences, that may have been an epic fail. But if I want to struggle over exact wording, I'll close the browser and open the screenwriting program.

H said...

Great post. Books like ON WRITING help writers persist more than the technical books. What are your thoughts on the screenwriters book ON DIRECTING FILM by Mamet?

M Harold Page said...

Hugh - King does outline, he just calls it a rough draft. What is interesting is that he always sets up the conflicts before kicking off.

MaryAn Batchellor said...

I am guilty of #4 but I'm in word rehab.

Andrew Morgan said...

The sentences is not interesting or different if Myra and friend are coroners.
Number 10.

Lack of clear motivation for characters, a lot of scripts I've read everyday people are maniacal to the point of murder, or have a blood lust (outside of horror) that is not explored. Or they are just too damn nice.

Like the woman who works in a homeless shelter and doesn't get paid. WHY!?
Oh right, she's intrinsically good, she's just a great person. That's her motivation.

Mystery Man said...

Hey guys, thanks so much for the kind words!

JJ – I knew you’d disagree! That’s half the fun. One of these days, I gotta get on my adverb soapbox. You’ll love it! And by the way, I loved your #10. That was ideal.

Anarchist – I never took you to be the passive type. Hehehe…

Caitlin – Perhaps so. But something could be more active. Nice to meet you.

Bob – Love it!

Anon – I don’t know. Yeah, maybe.

Trevor – Exactly.

Salvo – Yeah, definitely.

Steve – I completely agree. I had a post once on Classic Monologues in Cinema. Imagine how much page space THOSE monologues took up!

Pear – Love ya.

Crumbs – I agree with quite a bit in his book. I’m telling you. One of these days, I’m going to get on my adverb soapbox. It’ll blow you away!

R. Bruce Perry – You’re too kind, man.

Victor – Exactly. I saw a passive headline “Dustin Lance Black’s Oscar was scratched by… Madonna!” Anything wrong with that? It’s more interesting that way.

Kevin – Don’t make me write a post on adverbs. DON’T MAKE ME.

Luzid – Exactly.

Alexandra – Did it suddenly get hot in here? Wow. I need a glass of water. Thanks for that.

Christian – I read a script once filled with outrageous environments, and I told him, “Dude, characters come first.”

Trevor – I have no problem with outrageous environments but with newbies, there can be an over-focus on the environments to the detriment of characters. In fact, this reminds me of my Crossroads review.

All –Eh.

Hugh – Yeah, I completely agree about The Stand. Was he working on this during his drug days? Not sure. And there’s much I agree with him on. And, dude, that photo’s hilarious.

Judas – Hadn’t gotten to that one yet. I have it, though.

Zorn – Thanks for that.

MaryAn – I was guilty of all except 4. Hehehe…

Andrew – Exactly. Love the comment about unexplored blood lust. I completely agree.


Eric M said...

On Writing is alright. On Writing Well. Now, that's a book.

Thanks for the post.

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